Searching for Darwin's Bus

I have narcolepsy!

2009-08-25T16:46:00.000-04:00

And you can read all about it here

My blog in art

2009-03-18T14:24:00.004-04:00

Apparently I write about muscle. A lot. Seems strange as I can't remember a single post where I mention my fantastically ripped physique.

Anyway, this is from Wordle and it makes the commonly used words in your blog into a supreme work of word art. Twas fun.

Betty and the Secret Service

2009-03-10T11:39:00.001-04:00

Betty and the Secret Service
A play in one scene

Cast

Betty, a woman in her mid thirties. Stylish yet artsy. A no-nonsense type of woman. She wears a badge on a lanyard. She works for the venue.
Muscle, a man in his mid thirties. He is a member of the United States Secret Service. He must wear a suit and an earpiece.

Setting: The hallway lobby outside of Box 16 in a spectacular Concert Hall in the Washington, DC area during a birthday celebration for an ailing senator from a prominent Massachusetts family. Many American dignitaries and former presidential candidates are in attendance. Security is as tight as David Bowie’s pants in Labyrinth.

Scene 1
Lights up on Muscle standing outside of Box 16. Naturally he is standing with his jaw set and his hands folded in front of his belt. Betty runs on from stage left and heads toward Box 16. Muscle jumps in front of her.

Muscle: Ma’am, I’m sorry you cannot go in there.

Betty: No, it’s okay. I just need to get Famous Broadway Actor from his seat.

Muscle: Ma’am, I’m sorry. You cannot go in there.

Betty: No, it’s fine. I have a badge, see? (holds up badge) I just need to get Famous Broadway Actor from his seat. He’s performing next.

Muscle: Ma’am. I cannot let you in here. This is a clean room (referring to the 2200 seat theater), you came from a dirty room (referring to the backstage area from whence Betty has just come and where The President is currently standing). You can’t come through here.

Betty: You don’t understand! I need Famous Broadway Actor! (pulls out program, points to Famous Broadway Actor’s name) He’s next! He’s in the show! He’s an actor!

Muscle: Ma’am, John Wilkes Booth was an actor too.

Blackout.

End of Play

2 Things

2008-12-04T00:02:00.005-05:00

Here are two things that happened to me today:

1. I called me doctor's office and was put on hold for 10 minutes. After that 10 minutes I was transferred into the "after hours" line. The receptionist put me on hold and then let the office for the day.

I hate people.

2. I apparently dropped a glove this morning when I got out of my car. When I went back to my car after 13 hours at work, someone had put my lost glove through the handle of my car door.

There's at least one nice person where I work. I don't hate people.

Book. Book. Book. Book. Plastic Bag, plastic bag!

2008-10-10T09:43:00.002-04:00

Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

I glowered at him. "I can't help myself when he gets all bossy like that -- my natural teenage instincts overpower me."
He chuckled. "Well, thats not my fault."
I stared at him, speculating. He didn't seem to notice. His face was serence as he gazed out the windshield. Something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Body Check Count for June 25, 2008: 4

2008-06-25T14:55:00.003-04:00

I don't understand something, maybe you can explain it to me: why is it so difficult for people to notice when they're blocking a sidewalk? And I mean completely blocking a sidewalk. No sidewalk to spare. Not an inch.

The first 3 body checks came in quick succesion 1, 2, 3. These were nearly inevitable due to the aformentioned Sidewalk Blockers. There was a group of tourists who had parked their mini bus on a side street that just happens to be beside the Metro. As these 15 or so people stood there thinking about other ways to make it difficult for me to get to work, 8 or so people came from the other direction attempting to head to the Metro from when I had just come. In a rather unfortunate series of events I managed to body check three of them. Since we were all in a hurry, no one said anything which is just as I like it: "Check and Run." (Akin to "Punch Him in The Face and Run" which is not dissimilar to "Park the Car and Run.")

Number 4 was a completely different story.

Number 4 was walking with Suit 1 and Suit 2 and was dressed in a nice pink dress. Like all Suits, 1 and 2 feel much bigger than they are and thus decided not to adjust their position on the sidewalk to allow Number 4 appropriate non-body-check space. Now, Number 4 could have slowed her pace or even quickened her pace to give space to myself and the other members of the working force who were on their way to work, but she chose to stay where she was: on the end of a 3-person line across the width of a 3-person sidewalk. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances that lead to her body check, but to quote Carlotta: these things do happen.

Now, for those of you out there who are asking "Well, why didn't YOU move, Ms. Body Check?" Simple: there was nowhere for me to go. And until I perfect the art of walking through trees and small brick walls, the body checks will keep coming.

It's kind of obvious

2008-06-02T11:33:00.002-04:00

While waiting for our bags last night, I witnessed a man pick up this pink suitcase, look at the name tag on it, and then put it back on the conveyer belt at least twice.

If your suitcase looked like this, don't you think you could recognize it from a mile away? What do you think would be a logical guess of how many people own this particular suitcase and how many of them would be on the same flight as you?

Exactly.

This seems unfair to me

2008-05-26T19:47:00.003-04:00

It seems unfair that a good person should be able to say the phrase "You know, getting robbed at gunpoint is far scarier than getting robbed at knifepoint." But someone I know can say that: AJ.

On Thursday night, after going for a drink with friends, AJ was carjacked outside of our apartment.
Since he's been mugged before, when he saw two sketchy characters walking down the street, he waited for them to go around the corner before parking the car. Unfortunately, there were two other sketchy characters waiting in the shadows and as he crossed the street they came running up to him with a knife and demanded all of his stuff, including the car keys.

Naturally, he threw everything down and ran towards the apartment as they ran the other way to the car. He jumped the railing on the stairs as they drove off with our car and AJ's laptop, wallet, ipod, GPS, and the keys to our apartment.

Thankfully, AJ is okay and we can always get new stuff, but it's hard to replace "safe."

The human race sucks.

Am I Crazy?

2008-04-30T12:10:00.001-04:00

Possibly. I just signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon here in DC. And now that I've written it here for the world to see, I'd better step it up and actually run the damn thing!

Good Woman!

2008-04-04T12:10:00.000-04:00

Come see us!

The Last 36 Hours

2008-03-14T21:04:00.013-04:00

Yesterday, I woke up feeling really nauseated. This has been happening a lot in the mornings recently (no, I'm not pregnant) so I went to work anyway thinking "oh, this is just like all the other times it'll go away." Well, 3 hours later, I still felt like I was going to puke everywhere so I told Leslie I wasn't feeling well (she said "I'll bet you're pregnant. This same thing happened to Jennifer, she got really sick and then 3 weeks later she found out she was pregnant" this, of course, made me nervous) so I called the doctor and got an appointment for 11am.

So I jump in a cab and head to Eastern Market. 30 minutes later, I'm peeing in a cup (for the first time that day) and giving blood (for the first time that day.) They run a pregnancy test, it was negative (told you so!) and she checks some other things and says "i'll give you a prescription for some anti-nausea pills." I say "will I be able to go back to work?" she says "yes" I say "cool!" So I leave the office and head across the street to the CVS. Lots of people in line and I'm still feeling nauseous so I sit down. 10 minutes after I drop off my prescription, I feel really nauseous, you know the one with the tickle that says you're going to actually puke this time? Yeah, that one. So I run outside and puke in a trash can on the street. Fun times! Puking in the middle of Eastern Market during lunchtime. So I go back inside to get some mints and crackers and finally get my prescription. Well, after I puked I called back to work and said "I just got my prescription, I'm going to go home for a minute to let it kick in, I'll call you back" and I go to sit at the library steps to let the meds kick in. Well, I stop feeling nauseous, but start getting horrible pains in my stomach. So I walk home, crying the whole way because it hurts so much and call mom. She calls me back later and says, call the doctor. I call the doctor and deal with an idiot nurse (seriously! she couldn't keep any of the facts straight.) and then the doctor calls me again. She says "time to go to the ER." So I call a cab and of course, it never comes. An hour later, I walk to eastern market and hail a cab, drive back to the hospital near the KC, and start the waiting game.

This is 4pm. 45 minutes later, I'm registered but still waiting. an hour later, they call me in for the testing part of the day. So i pee in a cup (2nd time) and give more blood (2nd time) and wait some more. This time, they leave the IV hookup in my arm. This is 6:30pm.

Finally around 7pm, I'm called back into the back where the beds are. I change into my gown with AJ's assistance as I can't bend my right arm due to the IV being there. I lay down and wait. Finally a doctor comes in (2 of them, actually, teaching hospital) and they say "we're going to give you fluids, and more nausea medicine and see how you feel in a bit after your labs come back." AJ leaves to go back to the theatre that's right next to the hospital and says, I'll be back when you're done with your fluids. I think, cool! That'll time out perfectly!

30 minutes later, they roll me out of my private room and into the hallway. The meds have basically knocked me out so I don't really care except that I have to cuddle with my purse, just in case. I have to pee really badly during this time so I ask a nurse and she un-hooks my IV and I go pee. A trauma comes in as I come back and I ask another nurse to re-hook the IV and he says he's too busy right now but he'll come back. 20 minutes later, my nurse comes back and re-hooks up my IV and says "the next time you need to go, let me know because we need another urine sample" Damn. I fall back asleep and about 30 minutes later, I have to pee again. I tell the nurse that I'm feeling better and she says okay, "I'll get the doc, go pee in that cup." I pee in the cup and go back to my bed.

Around 10pm (15 minutes later) AJ comes back and sees me sitting on the bed holding a cup of my pee. Fun! The doc comes back and says "How do you feel?" I say "better" she says "okay, I'm going to bring you some crackers and juice and if you can keep them down 10 minutes, you'll be released." So she brings me the crackers and juice (she was a resident, I guess they can bring the juice.) I eat them and drink it. (Did I mention the pee is still sitting there?)
So I keep everything down for 10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 40 minutes. Then they take my pee and I"m still sitting there. Finally around 11:45pm, they says "Okay, everything came back normal. You have an upper respiratory infection. A virus. There's nothing we can do. We're giving you a prescription for the nausea and call your doctor in a few days if you're not feeling better."

And at midnight, I went home. And passed out. I woke up at 8 when AJ left, 9 when my doctor called and 10 when my coworker called. I watched an episode of America's Best Dance Crew, then ate soup and took more medicine, watched Lost and fell asleep around 1pm. 8pm, I woke up again. It's now 9pm and I had soup and wrote this blog.

That was the last 36 hours! Fun times!

Dear Short Brunette at My Gym,

2008-02-12T11:17:00.000-05:00

6:15pm is a very busy time at the Capitol Hill WSC and probably at sports clubs all over the country. People have just left their workplace where they have been for the last 8 or 9 hours. Most people, like myself and my coworker, come directly from our jobs and thus need to change our clothes in the locker room. Our locker room at the WSC isn't the largest place so as you can imagine, it gets crowded pretty quickly! We all want to be able to enjoy the elipticals or get our butts kicked by our trainers and we're all in a bit of a hurry to get out onto the floor before the last treadmill is taken by the woman who talks on her cell phone the whole time she's "running." Many of the women in the locker room at 6:15pm are of the lucky group that goes to work earlier and thus, leaves work earlier giving them time to get to the gym, have a good sweat, and head back to the locker room for a shower as the 6:15pm rush arrives. Seeing that you were coming from the showers to the locker area means that you are in the latter group! Good for you! I hope you had a great workout! You must have a really important job that requires you to be in early, I don't begrudge you that! You must also have a thrilling social calendar that makes you rush so after your workout, again good job! Way to go! Way to be a positive member of the economy! I only wish that your fancy dinner party or night at the club could be delayed just the few seconds it would take you to move away from the locker area before spraying some shine enducing or frizz ending serum into your hair and thus into the eyes of the poor girl trying to stuff her meager belongings into her broken locker. We could have had a beautiful friendship if only you had noticed that I had exclaimed "what the..." and "oh my god" as the serum began to burn my retina. Alas, this was not the case. Once, twice, three times possibly four your serum made it into my occular cavity and only after my friend said "Are you okay?" did you notice that you had, in fact, sprayed your serum into the eyes of the person standing less than 20 inches from you. Then with a giggle, you said "Oh, did I spray you?" as if to ask "Oh, are you someone who breathes daily?" Why yes, Virginia! There are a few more humans in the world save yourself! An amazing discovery! And we, the sad other few with whom you are forced to cohabitate on the planet, we like our eyes. We like vision and seeing and experiencing light and shadow! We like this almost as much as you like your hair and for this reason I say "Please," Short Brunette "please. Please take a look behind you as you spray your serums into the air. Please take a look to your left and your right as you walk down the street is only to recognize that the other blobs of your size and shape are other people. People who would grant you only the same courtesy that you grant them. Please."

Sincerely,
Lindsey

P.S. My eye itches.

I Heart Dave!

2008-01-04T09:46:00.000-05:00

Read!

Addendum to yesterday's post

2008-01-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

Lindsey's Conversation with The Eye Doctor (TED): A Play in 2 Acts.

ACT I
Lindsey dials phone. Ring....ring....ring...

Female TED: Thank you for calling Local Eyeglass Chain.

Lindsey: Hi, I was just wondering if my glasses were ready.

Female TED: Name?

Lindsey: Lindsey Last Name

Female TED: Hold.

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing. 4 minutes pass. Lindsey hangs up the phone thinking no one is going to come back to her. In fact, she forgot she was on hold in the first place.

Lindsey dials phone again. Busy signal. 2 minutes pass. Lindsey dials yet again, busy signal. 2 minutes pass. Again. Ring....ring...ring...

Male TED: Thank you for calling Local Eyeglass Chain.

Lindsey: Yes, I was just calling to see if my glasses were ready?

Male TED: Name?

Lindsey: Lindsey Last Name

Male TED: Hold

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing. 1 minute passes.

Female TED: Hello?

Lindsey: Yes, I was just speaking with a gentlemen to see if my glasses were ready?

Female TED: Yes. What's your name again?

Lindsey: Lindsey Last Name

Female TED: Hold on.

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing. 30 seconds pass.

Female TED: What's your last name again?

Lindsey: Last Name

Female TED: Hold

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing. 30 seconds pass.

Female TED: Okay, Ms. Last Name. What is your phone number? The lab tech needed to talk to you about your glasses.

Lindsey: But my phone number is in the file and I dropped my frames off almost 2 weeks ago. They were supposed to be ready 4 days ago. I don't understand.

Female TED: Well the lab tech isn't here and he needs to talk to you.

Lindsey: About what?

Female TED: I don't know.

Lindsey: My number is in the file. You've called me before.

Female TED: Well that's his fault. I'll make sure that he calls you tomorrow morning, first thing.

Lindsey: Okay. Well, thanks.

Click

ACT II
The Next Day.

At 3pm, Lindsey dials the Local Eyeglass Chain. Ring...ring...ring...

Female TED: Local Eyeglass Chain.

Lindsey: Yes, someone was supposed to call me this morning about my glasses?

Female TED: Yes. Hold please.

Lindsey is confused because she didn't give her name to the Lab Tech. 30 seconds pass.

Female TED: Yes. Do you have your glasses there with you?

Lindsey (taken aback): No. I dropped them off there 2 weeks ago.

Female TED: Hold.

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing.

Female TED: Why did you drop these off?

Lindsey: The right eye prescription was incorrect.

Female TED (to someone off stage): The right eye was wrong. (To Lindsey) And how many pairs did you drop off?

Lindsey: Just the one.

Female TED (to someone off stage): Just one pair. (To Lindsey) And it's just the right eye?

Lindsey: Yes.

Female TED (to someone off stage): It's just the right eye. (To Lindsey) Just one pair and just the right eye needs to be changed.

Lindsey: Yes. Will these be ready today? They were supposed to be done 5 days ago!

Female TED: Hold

Click. Silence. No music. Nothing. 1 minute passes.

New Female TED: Hi, Ms. Last Name. I will work on these and have them to you tomorrow.

Lindsey: I don't understand. I was told that someone needed to talk to me --

New Female TED (interrupting): You needed to talk to me and I didn't know where your glasses were or why they were here. But I --

Lindsey (interrupting): But isn't that in my file?

New Female TED: I have all the information now. The lab tech is really backed up. I will have these for you by 1pm tomorrow. Is that okay?

Lindsey: I guess it's going to have to be.

New Female TED: Great.

Click.

The End.

Why is this so fucking hard?

2008-01-02T17:13:00.000-05:00

If there is an issue with a service that you are supposed to provide for your consumers, call the fucking customer! Especially if it's something that has already been paid for! For fucks sake!!

Lindsey's One-Sentence Reviews: The Dewey Cox Story

2008-01-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

So, 2007 is officially a distant memory and what better way to commemorate its demise than by posting some One-Sentence movie reviews? I know you're thrilled so let's get to it, shall we?

3:10 to Yuma: Bale and Crowe = hot brilliance! But see it for Ben Foster.

Across the Universe: SEE Bono's performance as The Walrus, AVOID Eddie Izzard's performance as Mr. Kite. (I know, I was pissed too!)

The Darjeeling Limited: One of the best films of the year that no one saw: SEE IT NOW!

Music Within: Insulting, ignorant, unbearable. C'mon, Ron Livingston and Michael Sheen! Back to Burger and The PM for you!

Margot at the Wedding: RENT The Squid and the Whale. If you see this, be ready to call your sister afterwards to apologize!

Juno: A movie with heart, with a capital H. Adorable.

I Am Legend: Most definitely! SEE IT NOW!

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story: John C. Reilly really can do no wrong!

And since 2007 is over, here's a recap of the best and worst this year had to offer (in no particular order):

The Best
Sunshine
The Lives of Others
Waitress
Hot Fuzz
Sicko
The Darjeeling Limited
I Am Legend
No Country for Old Men
Juno

The Worst
The Ten
Music Within
Curse of the Golden Flower
Blades of Glory

So, that's what we have for now. We'll see you in a few months!

I think it might be all of them, too...

2007-09-17T14:16:00.000-04:00

Right now, I have 9 pairs of shoes under my desk.

Today, I'm wearing flip flops.

Yes, in the office.

Behind the velvet rope

2007-08-12T03:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Reader,
It is with great shock that I compose this post.

How is it possible that a person such as myself would know someone who knows someone? Who would have ever thought is possible?

But tonight, somehow, yours truly ended up behind the velvet rope...

Granted, yours truly was asked to take her Chuck Taylor clad feet off of the coffee table.

At 2:30 or so in the am, I ended up in what I believe to be one of the trendier spots in Washington, DC: Lotus. Having never been there before (and probably never again) I didn't know what to expect. What I should have expected was a handsome doctor getting my $10 cover charge refuned to me. (It is who you know, my pets.) And, naturally, I should have expected to pay $8 for my Amstel Light, but it still shook me to the core.

Anyway, like at the last establishment, I was touched on the hand by a young man wanting to buy me a drink...only this man probably could have purchased a company from Negro Modelo...that's the only reason I could think he made it past scary, rich bouncer guy. Believe you me, it wasn't for his dancing skills. He definitely did a Rockette kick over said velvet rope.

Now, if anyone is thinking I've gone soft or turned to the dark side, let me reassure you. I still spent my 30 minutes in Lotus pointing out the super short/un-functionality of the outfits of my fellows carriers of the Y chromsome. (I can't make this stuff up, lovers: shiny, short, and clingy everywhere I looked.)

After mananging to convince the young stallion in the crisp white shirt that I did not, in fact, need yet another beer (it would have been number 8, after all) I went back to watching. Just watching. Watching Ms. Trustfund walk by with her ass hanging out. Watching Mr. Daddy-Has-Money with his wallet hanging out.

I could only gawk along with a new friend who could only repeat the phrase "Where are we?!" as often as I took a slightly perfumed, overly intoxicated breath.

Where were we indeed.

Whilst flipping through channels one Saturday morn...

2007-08-04T09:24:00.000-04:00

I learned that Anjelica Huston is in the movie Daddy Day Care.

What. The. Fuck.

Aggression at work?

2007-07-30T11:03:00.001-04:00

Try Faceball!

Be sure to watch the videos!

It's only cool when Gob does it!

2007-07-26T14:48:00.000-04:00

Dear World,
Please stop using Europe's "The Final Countdown" in any way shape or form.

While I do agree that it is one of the most ridiculously funny songs ever written and that I love to see overweight men in showers lip-syncing to it, I do not relish the hours that the song remains in my head afterwards. Is that moment of hilarity worth the torture in the hours and days to come?

Well....maybe....maybe not.

Thank you,
Lindsey

Join the fight!

2007-07-20T15:41:00.001-04:00

I submitted this email to my coworkers in attempt to start a revolution. Please feel free to steal and use in your own places of work!

Dear Friends,
As many of you know, a very seminal event occurs tonight at midnight. An event years in the making. The most important event in this universe. Possibly the most important event in other universes as well.

Tonight, at midnight, the final book in the Harry Potter series becomes available to all the evil people in the world who wish to spoil the ending of the book to those of us who are anxiously awaiting their copies to arrive in the big brown truck. These people seek to destroy our happiness! The happiness that comes from discovering the final bits and pieces of the Hogwarts universe on our own! In our own time! These bloggers want to ruin it for the rest of us!

So I say we fight! Let us stand together against the forces of darkness and spoilers! Together, we are stronger than the gossips and the Chatty Kathys who wish us agony as they spill the final details before we’ve hit the 784th page! Let us band together to keep fighting them until we’re sure that everyone in the office has had their chance! Let us not speak of Harry, Ron and Hermione in the halls. Let us keep mum about Hagrid and Snape! Let us speak in secret lest we pass along information to those who are still lugging the book to work to read at lunch time!

Please, join me as we fight to keep the spoilers away from the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and away from our friends and colleagues. Let us agree to not speak of it here unless we are sure that we cannot be overheard by any who are still reading the tome of Potter.
I thank you for your time and your friendship and courage. Please pass this along to anyone who reads and has the ability to form sentences.
Lindsey

Could we talk about this later?

2007-07-19T16:43:00.003-04:00

I hate it when people talk to me when I'm in the bathroom.

And especially when I'm taking a crap.

So here's the deal

2007-06-30T20:08:00.000-04:00

I want to be friends with Judd Apatow. And Seth Rogen.

Anyone know how to make that happen?

Well, that's one way to keep the young girls in line...

2007-06-25T10:26:00.000-04:00

While driving to work today, I saw a tour group crossing Independence from the Capitol Building. I didn't think anything of it, I mean, tour groups block traffic every morning! Until I saw that the adult in the front of the group wasn't carrying an umbrella over his head like most tour leaders. No. This man was holding a Bill Clinton bobblehead doll.

There are no words...

Yes, please!

2007-06-20T15:59:00.000-04:00

I was excited before, but now?

I've been looking in the wrong place all along!!

2007-06-11T12:27:00.000-04:00

Apparently, God is in prison! Who knew!

Thanks, Paris!!

Help?

2007-06-08T10:12:00.000-04:00

Alright, Ladies and Jellyspoons,
I need some more websites to visit during the day.

Any ideas?
Love,
Lindsey

Dear Lady at the Foggy Bottom Metro Stop,

2007-06-06T20:33:00.000-04:00

Guess what?! I saw that! That's right! I saw you scratch your crotch! And you know what else? I'm probably not the only one, seeing as there were about 100 of us standing within 50 yards of you. I know you're thinking that your 5 year-old son blocked you from view, but, alas, this is not the case. You see, when many people are brought together (read: stuck on the platform) waiting for something (read: the train) our eyes tend to wander. Was I lucky enough to have eyes that drifted to the cute guy waiting for the Virginia-bound train? Nope! Not me. I had the distinct pleasure of seeing you digging around "down there." Lucky me! I win the prize of the day!

Now if only I could find a way to bottle my success and sell it to the simple tourists from Idaho...

Sincerely,
Lindsey

I...uh...um...wow.

2007-05-30T11:05:00.001-04:00

The Diner at 3 a.m. on a Sunday night:

Two girls are sitting next to each other. One gets up to go to the bathroom. A drunk woman barges in, and sits down in the empty seat.

Girl: "Excuse me, my friend was sitting there."
Drunk Woman: "I don't give a fuck, she ain't got as much money as me!"
Girl: "Uhhh... that doesn't matter, you're sitting in my friend's seat."
Drunk Woman: "I gotta $80k car outside, I can sit wherever the fuck I want!"

What next, Burger King?!

2007-05-16T14:57:00.000-04:00

Burger King

What next, Maryland?!

2007-05-16T10:56:00.000-04:00

I don't know if this makes me want to go to Montgomery County or stay away from Montgomery County.

The new-found healthy person in me thinks this is a good idea.

But the kid in me loves that chocolately flavor!

Oh....sigh....

2007-04-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

From IMDB.com

Abdul's "Diva" Antics Not Welcomed
American Idol judge Paula Abdul reportedly threw a "diva-like" tantrum while boarding an airplane recently, telling fellow passengers she was "too famous" to wait in line. Abdul was boarding a Southwest Airlines flight from San Jose to Burbank, California, when she allegedly demanded to be given special treatment and board the aircraft first. Eyewitnesses claim the star pushed her way to the front of a line of waiting passengers as one disgruntled commuter shouted, "You're no Sanjaya (American Idol contestant popular for his lack of talent)! You have to board like everyone else." A source tells The Scoop, "She pulled a major diva trip. The other passengers were not amused. She asked to be let on the plane and seated first." Abdul's spokesman has refused to comment.

Well...I know that I feel like a celebrity when I fly Southwest...

Review: Blades of Glory and The Lookout

2007-04-05T13:01:00.000-04:00

Blades of Glory, B-

It's definitely not Will Ferrell's best movie, and how could it with a costar as boring and annoying as Jon Heder? Really, Jon. Cut your hair. And try breathing through your nose. Ferrell does the same schtick as he did in Anchorman and (I'm assuming, as I didn't see it) Talladega Nights. But it's something that works for him. (Unlike a certain actor from college who only had one character but couldn't even master that. Debate amongst yourselves as to who I mean.) The narcissistic and (usually) drunk characters that he plays make you laugh, mainly because you're happy that you're not him. You're happy that you're not wearing a costume of some evil wizard at a kid's ice show! And you're especially happy that you didn't just vomit all over yourself...unless you are one of the undoubted frat boys who saw the movie and then proceeded to go to a bar where they did, in fact, vomit all over themselves.

But that's neither here nor there. Here, we're talking about Blades of Glory. As a former figure skater, I enjoyed seeing my former ice-idols bantering with Will Ferrell--especially Scott Hamilton (way to represent BGHS!!) and Nancy Kerrigan (way to revitalize that pained look that you had when you were in the Disney Parade after you lost the gold to Oksana Baiul!) The skating was goofy and stylized as I wish the Olympics were sometimes...everyone is always so serious. I remember that I liked skating because it was fun! I mean, I guess that it's their job and everything, but I have fun at my current job...Another tangent...

The actors. Yes. Let us speak of the actors. Will Ferrell, funny. Jon Heder, not funny. Craig T. Nelson, funny as Coach turned coach to Will and Jon. They have ample screen time and (except for Heder) they fill it quite well. But let us now discuss the real stars of the film: Amy Poehler and Wil Arnett. The husband and wife comedy masters play brother and sister skating monsters. Please, will someone just give them their own movie? And not Let's Go to Jail or prison or whatever that film was that Arnett did a few months ago. Please Hollywood Gods? Please?? So often I read that "comedy isn't what is used to be" and it's "going downhill," well here are the two people who can save it for you! Amy Poehler and Wil Arnett!! And throw in a little more Jenna Fischer while you're at it. And maybe some more John Krasinski and Seth Rogen! Comedy Gold! Back to the review: Basically, there are worse things you could do with your time (which I know I said about Borat, but I really mean it on this one!!) So I give it a "B" for Ferrell, a "D" for Heder, and a big-'ol Gold Star for Arnett, Poehler and Fischer! Oh, and an "A+" to the effects wizards who made it almost look like the actors were landing their own triple Lutzes!

The Lookout, C

Nearly every review I've read about this film is a rave or very close. I agree that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a phenomenal actor! Jeff Daniels is underrated! Isla Fisher is hot! But my fundamental problem with this film is this: if he can't remember what a can-opener looks like, how can he drive a car?! The script is disjointed, the characters are underdeveloped, and the climax is less than climactic. If you listen to Richard Roeper, you've probably already seen this film. Do you agree with me or him? Please feel free to add your comments.

These reviews and more can be enjoyed at: http://allaudiences.blogspot.com/

Oh, and my birthday was on Tuesday.

Whoever said "the city smells...."

2007-02-23T18:05:00.000-05:00

Last night, the Metro smelled like peanut butter.

As I told my coworker, Jeff, yesterday...

2007-02-14T12:29:00.000-05:00

My workday would feel so much faster if the bathroom were further away from my desk.

Marilyn??

2007-02-08T21:59:00.000-05:00

Now, I have a soul and I feel...feelings, but Anna Nicole was no Marilyn.

Just like seasons and underwear...

2007-02-08T13:30:00.001-05:00

Contracts can change too!

If your company is so large, why can't you understand this?!

Brown Shoes

2006-11-04T15:56:00.000-05:00

I think that shoemakers should stop making brown dress shoes for men.

That would eliminate the chance for a man to wear them with a black suit.

Look out World (Series)

2006-10-15T00:02:00.000-04:00

Here comes Detroit!!!

Go Tigers!

Who's out for us?

2006-10-13T22:27:00.000-04:00

Seth. Chris. Robert. And now Shane.

What the fuck?

404 Error

2006-09-15T16:01:00.000-04:00

Page Not Found
Narrator: In A.D. 2006, Web was beginning.
Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the journal.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What !
Operator: Main browser turn on.
Captain: It's you !!
CATS: How are you users !!
CATS: All your base are belong to Frank.
CATS: You are on the way to 404.
Captain: What you say !!
CATS: You have no chance to reach your page. Make your spelling correct.
CATS: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....

If you think you've reached this page in error:

* Make sure the URL you're trying to reach is correct.
* Check http://status.livejournal.org to view LiveJournal's current status.

Otherwise, you can:

* Go back to the previous page
* Go to the LiveJournal Homepage.
* Explore the Site Map

Seriously. This is what happened when I tried to click on a link.

Oh...and "Hi Everybody" Did you miss me?

Myles Poetry

2006-06-29T21:33:00.000-04:00

For what it's worth... we're here

This is hard. Let's go to scuzzi

I have a dirty book of Kings

I'm friends with the President, I'm friends with the Pope We're all making fortunes selling daddy's dope

We are licking the labias of goddesses with peanut butter in our teeth

And wth your permission I will pass this along

I am speechless--- true story

My friend and my lover, I will miss you

The first time Seth heard me speak was when he overheard me say I hate guys with long hair. good grief.

For financial advice call Melissa Lineberry. Her picture makes her look trustworthy.

Theatre people ROCK!

The Cla-zel will soon re-open as a house of ill repute, where customers are encouraged to have fun, but beware the Cla-zap!

the gooey warmth was intoxicating

Lo there, do I see my father,

Lo there, do I see my mother and my sisters and my brothers,

Lo there, do I see the line of my people back to the beginning,

Lo, they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla,

Where the brave may live forever. (with love and respect, Cap)

brandishing empty bottles at a nonexistant enemy

Moment of Silence

you can hear the ice clinking in my glass. go get mama a drink

To lighten things, Free moustache rides for everyone!

And the sign readeth: "Here abides God, the Devil, and Fossa"

CHEESE!!

And my father would be laying like this...

Like a seed the wind takes us whereever it wants

Just write a line right here and fold it over

The lint from my belly button says "Hello!"

"nobody knows I'm gay" well there's a lie

I'll never forget the night I met Jesus

Sing as if noone is listening, Dance as if noone is watching, and live life as if each day was your last

I drank what??

Ditto

Hey Napoleon... Peace Out!

2006-06-22T20:41:00.000-04:00

Thank god for this man!

2006-05-21T22:43:00.000-04:00

He is always there to tell me that I'm beautiful and irresitible!

And he's 91 years old!!

Dear Kate Not Automation,

2006-05-14T19:20:00.000-04:00

Raking the sand fucking sucks.

Sincerely,
Lindsey Also Not Automation

It's queen sized!

2006-04-17T20:43:00.000-04:00

Who wants to visit?!?!

Seriously...anyone?????

Remember when...

2006-04-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Michael and Walt were still on the island?

2006-04-03T13:27:00.000-04:00

Click here

It's my birthday, bitch!

2006-04-03T13:00:00.000-04:00

That's all. It's my birthday. I'm "officially" in my late twenties.

I should be in the Academy!

2006-02-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

For Jeff, who is the only person who'll care.

Okay, here are the categories that I've seen all nominated films:

Picture
Director
Actor
Actress
Supporting Actor
Supporting Actress
Original Screenplay
Adapted Screenplay
Full-Length Animated Picture
Song
Score
Visual Effects
Makeup
Art Direction
Sound Editing
Sound Mixing
Film Editing
Costume Design

That's 18 folks. There are 2 categories that I've seen at least 1 nominated film: Cinematography (all but "The New World") and Documentary (just "Murderball" which is fanfuckingtastic, by the way) and there are 4 categories that I've seen none of the films (Live Action Short, Animated Short, Foreign Language and Documentary Short.) NOW, starting Wednesday night, the Archives will be playing all of the Docs, Short Docs, Live Shorts, and Animated Shorts, for FREE!!!!, and I am going to try my best to be there for all of them....which probably wont happen as I have to work. I do have time to rent the rest of the Docs, which I will probably do this week (yay straight sixes). So maybe I'll ba able to knock out another category. As for seeing "The New World," did anyone see that?! I know it played here, and it is still playing in Georgretown, but only at 1:15. Needless to say, that ain't gonna happen, especially with the Oscars being in 8 days. Le sigh. Maybe next year. Actually, yeah! Next year.

Oh, and here are my thoughts on the big 8:

Picture
Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Should win: Brokeback Mountain

Director
See above

Actor:
Will: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Should: Heath Ledger, Brokeback

Actress (what a crappy year for the chicks, eh?)
Will: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Should: Really, I'm not thrilled with any of them, so I'll say Laura Linney. She's not nominated, but that woman is the shit!

Supporting Actor:
Will: George Clooney, Syriana
Should: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man

Supporting Actress:
Will: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Should: Amy Adams, Junebug (she is amazing in this role. And on The Office.)

Adapted Screenplay:
Will: Brokeback Mountain
Should: Brokeback Mountain

Original Screenplay:
Will: Crash
Should: The Squid and The Whale

Who wants to argue? Jeff, I'm looking at you!

Sheesh!

2006-02-25T12:39:00.000-05:00

She won a fucking Silver!!! She didn't "lose" the Gold. It's not like she had it in her back pocket and said "Oops! I lost that Gold!"

She WON the SILVER!!!! Leave her alone!

I spent all day making cookies and now all I want are Oreos.

2006-02-21T19:40:00.000-05:00

I'm nesting. Is that the right word? After going to the gym after work yesterday, I came home, made dinner, did some laundry, made cookies, and knitted a scarf. If it's not nesting, it's definitely domestic-ing. It doesn't bother me all that much either.

Although, I still want to get my nose pierced. Can anyone convince my husband that it's cool?

Arrr...

2006-02-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

My pirate name is:

Iron Anne Cash

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Stupid Survey!!!!! Yay!!!

2006-02-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

1. Who was your first love?
Zach. I introduced him to his wife!

2. Who was your first kiss and when?
Jason. I was 14, he was 18 and should have known better. He was also a sleezeball. Way to go Lindsey.

3. Who was your first prom date?
Ryan Lindahl. He was boyfriend. He is tall.

4. Who was your first room mate?
Technically, my sister whom I lived with until high school. Then it was Muggy. Best. Roommate. Ever!

5. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?
Yuengling and shots of vodka.

7. What was your first job?
The Cla-Zel Movie Theatre. Fuck Kelly Wicks.

8. What was your first car?
AThe "slob" car. A 1987 Navy blue Ford Escort with the license SLB 200, hence the "Slob" car.

9.When did you go to your first funeral?
that I can remember? 8th grade, my granny in Maryland.

10. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
This is sad: I was 23. I moved to White River Junction, VT. And promptly back to Ohio 2 months later.

11. Who was your first grade teacher?
The first Mrs. Sterns. The Second Mrs. Sterns was my 12th grade English teacher.

12. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Detroit...then to England.

13. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with?
I cannot remember. I want to say it was Homecoming with the aformention sleezeball.

14. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
15, Meg and Melanie. We snuck out and walked to Mel's house. We were supposed to meet our guy friends downtown, but they didn't show. So we took Mel's mom's car out to look for them. Mel had her permit? Maybe? True story.

15. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
Melissa Porter. No. She became dull and vapid.

16. Who was the first person to send you flowers?
Bring me flowers? Jason for a school dance. Actually send me flowers? AJ, my husband.

17. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house?
841 8th Street apt 8.

18. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
AJ.

19. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Complain, complain, complain. Then I eat some Honey Nut Cheerios.

Ask.

2006-01-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

It's pronounced ask.

Umm...rude much?

2006-01-11T17:00:00.000-05:00

So, I'm at the movies (Brokeback Mountain, devastating, wonderful) where I had arrived a little bit late, so the previews are playing already. I see that it is quite full (for a 1pm matinee on Wednesday) so I sit between a couple and another woman. I'm trapped in the row. As the previews begin to end, I (and many around me) notice that the door into the theatre is still open and we can hear the staff talking at the concession stand. As if that wasn't bad enough, the door was behind us so all the daylight was leaking onto the screen. Now, I get that the staff needs to talk, that is not the popint of the title of the post. No. The title of the post refers to the rather affluenent woman sitting behind me. She got up as the film began (presumably to shut the door as I would have done had I not been trapped in the row.) No, not so much. She actually got up and began snapping for one of the concession people. She snapped all the way up the aisle (well, 3 rows) and out the door until she found someone and told them to close the door.

Later, on the metro, two young girls were sitting in 2 separate seats (thus blocking 2 other seats from oncoming riders.) A woman asked one of the girls if she could sit in the seat next to her and the girl said no, leaving the empty seat trapped between herself and the window.

People.

Must...think...of...something...to....post....

2006-01-11T11:38:00.000-05:00

If you are what you eat, I am a cheese panini.

Oh.

2005-12-12T13:43:00.000-05:00

Check this out.

Click here, yo.

Listen up folks....

2005-12-12T13:38:00.000-05:00

I got nothin.

But I am posting as per a conversation with the lovely and talented Miss Automation.

My shoulder hurts.

It's weird seeing a bunch of STC people wandering around the lobby of Woolly Mammoth.

Yay for free libations!

2005-12-10T00:47:00.000-05:00

Got this from Lily.
Post the first sentance from the first entry of every month for the last year. My thoughts...in review...

January-March: Nothing. I had xanga then. But I did post something in November of 2004.

November (2004): I like xanga because it sends me my friends posts directly to my email.

April (2005): So many of my peeps are leaving the xanga world!! What's up with that?

May: Only a few more hours until new episodes of Family Guy!!

June: You need power to make electrical equipment work!

July: I am married.

August: Now, on this website, you can put in your first, last, middle, whatever name and it will tell you the stats of how many people have your name.

September: I finally have INTERNET in my APARTMENT!

October: Dear Blogger, What the hell? Signed, Lindsey

November:

December: Listening to your ipod on shuffle is weird. Especially when it goes from System of a Down to Elton John.

Kinda makes you realize that you have nothing of interest to say.

On a work related note, the set has finally bested me. I will be taking myself out of the intermission shift for the next 2 days because every time I lift the damn tri-fold, I feel fire in my shoulder. Damn incubator in Tooth and Claw. I will not let this job break me.

Donde esta el...what?

2005-12-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

Read.

Way to go, Kansas.

"Kansas. Stopping the progress of education since 1861."

Shuffle

2005-12-06T15:58:00.000-05:00

Listening to your ipod on shuffle is weird. Especially when it goes from System of a Down to Elton John.

Me...in anime...

2005-11-21T01:43:00.000-05:00

Cute, ain't I?

Sorry to all those who've called me. I've been in tech. I will call soon. We open tomorrow so I'll get some time...in 2 weeks, after understudy hell is over.

Monday, Monday

2005-10-31T11:51:00.000-05:00

Caller: I need to speak with someone about ushering.
Me: That would be Natasha.
Caller: Lynn?
Me: (beat) Natasha.
Caller: Oh. Natasha. Can I speak with her?
Me: Sure.

WWFSMD?

2005-10-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

My coworker just informed me of this new religious phenomenon that is sweeping the nation...at least the left side of it.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

This pic is buried, so I thought I'd make it easier on yas.

Makes sense to me.

6 Impossible Things Before...Lunch

2005-10-24T10:18:00.000-04:00

I've only been at work for 30 minutes and I'm already antsy. No show this week means no calls. No, that's not entirely true. I got one call. I transfered it to someone else's mailbox.

So, I'll post this:

SIX THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Not a dresser, I'll tell ya that much!
2. Clothes on the floor (no dresser)
3. AJ's broken teley that only works by remote control.
4. Lots of magazines
5. 3 Laundry baskets that want to be dressers
6. A stuffed penguin that my grandmother made for me.

TOP SIX THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1. Where's Don?
2. Comedy Gold
3. Where's Waldo?
4. shut up
5. fuck
6. "You have reached the rehearsal schedule for The Comedy of Errors..."

SIX THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. My iPod
2. My keys
3. Your soul
4. My watch
5. Water
6. My remote control

SIX THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get health insurance
2. Live not in the U.S.
3. Act in a Joss Whedon show
4. Watch all the Oscar winners for Best Picture/AFI 100 greatest movies
5. Not have to worry about money
6. Fly a plane

SIX OTHER THINGS:

Do You/have you:
1. Believe in God? As a character.
2. Had a dream come true? Do nightmares count?
3. Read the newspaper? Unfortunately not.
4. Pray? Not so much
5. Have a job? I do! I have 3 actually!
6. Attend church? Nope. Don't believe in church. They're pretty and all...

Have you ever:
1. Gone skinny dipping? yep
2. Had surgery? yep
3. Swam in the dark? do you think I skinny dipped during the day??
4. Been to a Bonfire? yes
5. Ran away from home? nope
6. Played strip poker? yes

SIX THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:
Have you...
1. Cried? Yes. One tear at the end of the book I was reading.
2. Sang? The theme from Firefly at the end of Serenity
3. Been kissed? yep
4. Felt stupid? Only all the freaking time!
5. Talked to an ex? nope
6. Missed someone? hells yeah!

Expect a few more posts today as I have 7.5 hours to go!!!

I thought her dad was pissed!!

2005-10-20T23:42:00.000-04:00

From imdb.com

Cruise Eyeing Ohio Home?
Tom Cruise is reportedly planning to buy a $1.5 million home in his fiancee Katie Holmes' hometown of Toledo, Ohio. The Hollywood couple recently announced they're expecting their first child together, and while sources speculate over when they will wed, Toledo locals are preparing for celebrity neighbors. Dale Bruhl, who owns the nine-bedroom mansion which reportedly caught their attention, says, "The neighbors saw limousines in front of the house when (real estate agents) were showing it. I'm sure it's them. Her mother lives in the area." Cruise's representative has hit out at the reports, stating, "Everyone wants Tom to buy a house in their neighborhood, bit it's not true." But residents of Toledo are still holding out hope - a store window in the centre of town already reads, "We gift-wrap baby gifts for Tom and Katie's baby!"

Need a little help here...

2005-10-20T23:22:00.000-04:00

With Halloween just around the corner, I need some assistance.

I don't know what the hell to wear as a costume.

Please advise.

1 Hour and 36 minutes to go

2005-10-17T16:22:00.000-04:00

...until I can go home.

Slow, slow, slow. Can't play on myspace anymore. Going crazy.

Guess it's time for sudoku.

Larry King is an Ass

2005-10-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

No, seriously. He's an ass and a terrible interviewer. How has he held this position for so long?? He doesn't listen to his guests and proves nightly that he doesn't know anything about the people who come on his show. Case in point: Last night he had the primary cast of the show "Roseanne." The first question he asks is : "How did this show come about?" Ummm...let's see. "Roseanne"...created by a woman named Roseanne. Second question: "Why did you decide to make it a Blue Collar show?" Ummm...that's who she is? And she tried to tell him that it was based on her stand up. Then he asked "Was it based on your stand up?" I've seen him do other interview as well where he just doesn't listen to the guests at all. Every time I see one of his interviews I think to myself "Wow. He's just not listening at all!!" It makes me mad since much of the Western World thinks he just the bees knees and want to have him interview them. Why?!? Leno isn't much better. I like Dave though. But not for his interview style, but for his show in general.

I hearby declare that all interviews must now be conducted by Jon Stewart.

In Ohio...

2005-10-17T13:46:00.000-04:00

Home Sweet Home.

The man in the photograph is my Great Uncle Lou.

It's not that I'm dumb...

2005-10-14T18:59:00.000-04:00

I'm just absent minded.

Warning. I'm pissed.

2005-10-09T19:23:00.000-04:00

So here's the deal. I'm not going to the movies when "normal" people are able to go. I use the term "normal" in the loosest sense of the word. I mean, is it normal to take a fucking 4 year to a movie like David Cronenberg's A History of Violence? A movie where in the first half hour you see 4 dead bodies? (And I mean see them.) Is it normal during a movie that you don't understand to talk loudly on your cell and giggle at moments that are heartwrenching and horrible? Is murder funny? Did I miss something? What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't get it, therefore it's funny? (And this can explain many, many, many things that are wrong with the human race at large. But enough about that, I'm talking about something much pettier.)

Therefore, gentle readers, I will not, under very few circumstances, go to see a movie during "movie times." Meaning, no more Friday nights. No more Saturday nights. And for all that is holy and true, no more Sunday matinees. Unless it is something immensley obscure, I shall stick to this. Or unless it's something that has been out for many, many weeks and should theoretically be nearly empty. So I guess screw "normal." Just when actual "people" are invovled. Kids movies, I'll make an exception, just because I don't mind when kids laugh and giggle about movies....except that one time at Howl's Moving Castle. That wasn't fun (but it probably falls into the "I don't get it" category.)

Do I sound elitist? Yes. Do I care? No, and I'll tell you why. 9 times out of 10 since I moved into a large city I have felt like this after a movie. Not that I'm saying that people in Toledo, OH don't do this, but, in general, they're slightly more polite about it. Sometimes. I've definitely felt like this after big movies I've seen in Ohio. Maybe that's what it is. It's the big movies. But, A History of Violence?? Not big!! Unless you know who Cronenberg is!! I'll bet that 80% of the people in that theatre had no idea what a "Cronenberg" film even is!!!! You know who definitely doesn't know? The fucking FOUR-YEAR OLD! I'm not kidding, my friends. A four-year old. In a movie that has "graphic sex, nudity, and extreme violence." I even went up to a manager after the film and asked "Is it policy to let a four-year old into a film like A History of Violence?" (Of course, I know the answer to this having worked in a movie theatre for 5.5 years.) She answered me very professionally with probably the smartest thing that I've heard in months: "You don't have to have a license to be a parent." How perceptive and sad.

Now, do I have an illusions that what I've written will mean anything to anyone? Of course not. I just needed to vent.

As for A History of Violence, it was a very good film, all things considered.

Here's what I've been thinking.

2005-10-05T22:46:00.000-04:00

Every day, sometimes numerous times a day, I think to myself "Wow. I gotta blog about that." But then I forget after a long day of work.

Here are some that I can remember now:

1. That's it. I'm done. Who wants to join the circus?

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are spawning? Does anyone else see a problem with that....although it probably means that Mr. Cruise will be visiting the NW Ohio region at some point soon.

3. I cut 7 inches off of my hair. My camera is dead or I'd post a pic. 7 inches and it's still below my shoulders. I realized that I had really long hair just to have really long hair. I never wore it down. It made fabulous pigtails, though. And I don't miss it. The layers (yep, got those too) occasionally get in my eyes and tickle my nose but I think it's okay. Now I just need to dye it a fun color. (Hint, hint Miss Automation and Miss Garrett...who I don't think reads this but I'm hinting to her anyway.) I think Steph was sad, but...

4. I almost got hit by a flying pigeon today.

5. I don't call people enough. I know this, but as I discussed with one of you faithful readers, I feel like I just don't have anything to talk about. At least not anything that people not directly involved with STC would find remotely interesting. (Such as: David Sabin talking about "nooners." Who gets that?)

6. I think I want to go into film.

7. There are really truly horrible people in the world. Unfortunately, I dated a few. I always wonder what happened to those people. The truly horrible ones. I sometimes wish I could tell them how horrible they are.

8. There are really truly stupid people in the world. Nuff said.

9. I find it weird that when I'm recording the daily call at work I can completely zone out and think about how I'm not actually thinking about what I'm recording yet I'm still recording it.

10. Ten things is probably enough.

11. No. I lied. I miss my friends. The ones in Ohio. The ones in Philly. The ones here. The ones who don't live in any of the aformentioned places.

12. 11 things is enough.

This is all I'm going to say about this.

2005-10-04T19:24:00.000-04:00

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I hate these things

2005-10-04T18:52:00.000-04:00

1. initials: LAR
2. name someone with the same birthday as you: Gregory Peck, Jenni Garth
3. where was your first kiss?: Outside my garage.
4. for or against same sex marriages?: Completely for them. Fuck the right.
5. are you homophobic?: nope
6. are you bisexual?: Never had an opportunity.
7. do you believe in God?: As a character. Not as an all-seeing entity.
8. how many US states have you been to?: Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Virginia, Maryland, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Kentucky, Tennesse, Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Pennsylvania, New York. How many is that?
9. how many of the US states have you lived in?: 4-Ohio, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Maryland and one District (of Columbia.)
10. have you ever lived outside the US?: Not as of yet.
11. name something you like physically about yourself: My arms
12. name something non physical you like about yourself: My ability to on occasion be funny.
13. where did you go to college?: BGSU
14. what is your dream car?: Dark green Jaguar
15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: Italy
16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?: Ummm...yes. What a dumb question.
17. how many concerts have you gone to?: Lilith Fair, Ben Folds/Tori Amos, Genesis (don't laugh, it was a birthday present--when I was 14. I loved them!!!), Bachman Turner Overdrive (it was at the county fair and it was free.) How many is that?
18. do you download music?: Only on iTunes
19. how many illegal things have you done?: 2
20. where would you want to go on a first date?: Dinner.
21. describe your perfect date: Dinner and a movie.
23. ever been kissed under fireworks?: Yes, but it wasn't horribly romantic as we were drunk.
24. do you like president bush?: Hell no.
25. have you ever bungee jumped?: No, but I think I would like too.
26. have you ever white- water rafted?: Yes. It is awesome.
27. have you ever crashed a car?: A punk kid crashed into me.
28. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you?: Yes. It was not fun.
29. have you met a real redneck?: Hello! I'm from Ohio!
30. are you interested in anyone right now?: Just that guy I married.
31. what song are you listening to right now?: A Bjork song...but it's in my head
32. what is your current favorite song?: Don't really have one.
33. what was the last movie you watched?: MirrorMask (All you Gaiman/McKean fans better get out to see it!)
34. who was the last person you said you loved?: AJ
35. where was the last place you went besides your house?: The library
36. have you ever seriously vandalized someone elses property?: not seriously.
37. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?: Yes. Many times, actually. I went through a "slapping" phaze in junior high and I've been in a fist fight.
38. have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?: Musical theatre final.
39. whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Honestly, whether or not they are doing something "asshole-ish."
40. what really turns you on?: Ecstacy. No, just kidding.
41. what do you usually order from starbucks?: A 5-shot, sugar-free vanilla, soy latte with 6 splenda...for my boss. I hate starbucks.
42. what is your biggest mistake?: Yeah...that.
43. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?: yes
44. say something totally random about you: I wish I were a goth or a punk sometimes.
45. do you have an i-pod?: yes.
46. has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?: Natasha McElhone (which I don't see at all) and Sarah Polley (which I don't see at all.)
47. do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?: Fairly Odd Parents is a freaking hilarious show. As well as Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends.
48. do you have braces?: no, but I need them
49. are you comfortable with your height?: Yes.
51. when do you know its love?: My mom always said it's when you can fart in front of the other person.
52. do you speak any other languages besides English?: After 5 semesters of French and 2 of Spanish I can say "The long snake tastes good to me" in German.
53. have you ever been to a tanning salon?: No. Ew.
54. what magazines do you read?: Premiere, Time, Bust, Entertainment Weekly.
55 Are these surveys stupid?: Incredibly.
56. do you have a hidden talent?: Now, it I wrote it down it wouldn't be hidden now would it?
57. have you gone farther than kissing?: Only a little.
58. have you ever ridden in a limo?: not even on my wedding day.
59. has anyone you were really close with passed away?: Yes.
60. do you watch mtv?: I try not to.
61. whats something that really annoys you?: Stupidity. And people who don't use an apostophe when it is called for, like in this stupid survey.
62. whats something you really like?: Chocolate chip cookies.
63. do you like michael Jackson?: Not as an alien, but I hear his old music and realize that he was ahead of his time.
64. can you dance?: 80's and goth styles.
65. have you ever surfed?: No, but my brother in law does.
66. do you know how to pump gas?: Again I say, what a stupid question.
67. do you drive?: Not if I can help it.
68. whats the latest you have ever stayed up?: 48 hours.
69. have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?: I was nervous when I had surgery. There is always that chance that you won't wake up.
70. were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?: Yes, but it was for a training exercise.
71. have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?: Kiss a boy?
72. did you do it?: Probably not.
71. do you actually read these when other people fill them out?: Only if I'm really tired and I'm waiting for my food to get done.

going...crazy

2005-10-03T14:35:00.000-04:00

I'm slowly going insane today...or rather, being slowly driven insane by the construction crews working in the building. It's quiet for about 5 minutes then "BANG!!" Loud hammering-type noises errupt around me. On top of that, we're holding auditions downstairs so every few minutes someone walks through the door, ignoring the sign that says "go downstairs" and asks me "where do I go?"

But enough venting.

I have a funny story to tell.

Last night, I had to help usher at Woolly Mammoth (the theatre matters, read on) since only one of our ushers showed up on time. My co-worker, Elissa, was tearing tickets and generall pointing people in the direction of the theatre. I looked up just in time to see an elderly (not creepy) man walk up to her and say "If you take my shirt off, I'm woolly. But I'm not mammoth." He then walked up to me and after me saying "Can I help you?" he responded with "God helps those who help themselves" then he leaned in and cupped his hand around his mouth and continued "but God help those who help themselves."

Back to my outlaw Sudoku puzzle.

Sudoku

2005-10-03T12:39:00.000-04:00

I am the Sudoku MASTER!!! Easy puzzle in 3:33 minutes.

Check it out here

Dear Blogger

2005-10-02T18:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Blogger,
What the hell?
Signed,
Lindsey

I'm not sure about this one...

2005-09-27T19:47:00.000-04:00

It was between Inara and Simon??? Weird.

You scored as Inara, the "Companion". Inara Serra: WHORE.

Sure, sure, you are elegant, highly educated and arguably beautiful.
And you are highly selective about your clientele, blah-blah-blah.

BOTTOM LINE: You have sex for money, and that makes you a whore.

WHORE.

Simon, the Doctor

88%

Inara, the "Companion"

88%

First Mate Zoe

69%

Jayne Cobb, resident bad-ass

69%

Captain Malcolm Reynolds

63%

Kaylee, the Mechanic

56%

RiVER

56%

Shepherd Book

25%

Wash, the Pilot

FiREFLY QUIZ
created with QuizFarm.com

2 more days!

Actors vs. Humans?

2005-09-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

Why is it that people feel that they are entitled to have access to their favorite actors? I don't just mean reading things about them or seeing everything they do, but actual access. Seeing them in person and them speaking directly to you. All attention on you.

In the STC's Othello, we have a larger than regional theatre name playing the lead: Avery Brooks. (If you know him, you know him. If you don't, Star Trek: DS9.) Anyway, he has a strict policy of not greeting his fans and not signing autographs. He's a private man. Even the stage manager has said few words to him. This makes sense to me. Acting is his job. It's what he does for a living. He doesn't need to sign autographs for people. And he doesn't ask for much in return.

So we had a couple come up to us (house management) during the Sunday evening show. She asks "Can I meet Avery Brooks after the show?" (We have a guest list where the actors and crew can invite people to meet with them after the show. Avery has only put his son on the list.) Lynn, my boss says "No, I'm sorry. Avery has a policy...etc, etc, etc." The woman gets irritated: "Well, can you take something down for him to sign?" Lynn responds accordingly "No." Woman: "Can't you make an exception?" Lynn: "It's not our policy and if Avery made one exception, he'd have to make every exception and he'd never leave the theatre. I'm sorry." Woman: "Well, I don't understand why you can't do this for me." [I shall cut a bit here as this banter went on for a while.] Woman: "Well, you tell Avery that if he doesn't have his fans, he doesn't have a career." and walks away.

Now, I do understand the thrill of meeting a famous person (Paige Davis is very, very nice, by the way. And very tall.) But I can't say that I feel that I was entitled to meet her. Yes, I'm a fan of the show. Yes, meeting her was cool and exciting the first time, but after talking to her over a few days, I remembered that she's just another person. An actor who got a break, but still just a regular person who gets bored and likes potato pancakes. (She's a very funny and nice person.)

But what made this woman think she was entitled to see this man? Why was she so special? Like Avery owes her something. He does his work, she enjoys it. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do people act like that?

And the answer I came up with is this: Britney Spears. It's all her fault.

Now, I definitely know that people will disagree with this post, heck, even I kind of disagree with it when it comes to my favorite celebs. But think about it. Have you ever asked your GYN for her autograph for doing her job?

And then it all makes sense again...

2005-09-24T00:30:00.000-04:00

So, here are a few reasons that I'm happy at my job(s).

1. My boss said that he likes me and wants me to stay around.
2. We do good shows.
3. Other theatres do good shows too and I get to see them. Usually for free.
4. I make tips!! Yay tips!
5. I like theatre.
6. Where else can you sit around and talk to Paige Davis (of Trading Spaces fame) about Halloween costumes?

That's it.

Fun fact.

2005-09-22T00:03:00.000-04:00

My friend slept with a monkey.

Peter Tork to be exact.

Little known fact, take 2

2005-09-16T14:14:00.000-04:00

As I posted last night, you do not need water to run a show.

Unless it is an effect for the show.

In this case, it wasn't.

As Othello was killing Desdemona, the wonderful fountain above our stage (it's in the apartment building above us) began to leak. Again. (Yes, this has happened before. Twice now.) Water a sand began to pour onto the bed where Desdemona lay dead and Othello was waiting to kill Emilia and himself. It was raining on them.

Matthew called a halt to the show. The amazing and glorious tech staff began the scramble to clean up and to assess the damage. After about 5 minutes, they realized that the rain was not going to stop any time soon. Together, Joy and Matthew decide to cancel the rest of the show (10 minutes worth.)

As the house manager, my job was to deflect questions from the angry mob leaving the theatre. A highlight: A woman comes up to me and after asking "what happened? What's going on." she tells me that "Cancelling the show was the wrong decision." I tell her "The safety of the actors is our primary concern and it was impossible to continue the show." We go around and around for a few moments until I say "Ma'am, it is live theatre." Her response? "Live theatre goes on." Even after telling her that it was impossible IMPOSSIBLE to continue the show and human lives would be in danger!!!! Some people just don't get it. THEN her friend starts in on me: "What happened?" I tell her our standard response "Technical difficulty." She gets defensive that we're "Keeping secrets." I tell her that I just don't know, I wasn't backstage and she announces to everyone within earshot that "Oh!! It's a big secret, they can't tell us what happened!!!" I give up and just say "I'm sorry. If you'd like to come back and see the show, please let the box office know."

Some people.

If you'd like to read more, click on Kate Automation or Matthew over there on the right. There's pictures!

You need no water

2005-09-16T02:51:00.000-04:00

So that post that I made earlier about needing electricity to run a show.

I amend it.

You need electricity.

You don't need water.

Sss...ahhh....ssss...ahhh....ssss....ahhhh

2005-09-13T21:10:00.000-04:00

Oh, David Boreanaz. What a shame.

Better luck next time.

Get free clothes!

2005-09-12T22:52:00.000-04:00

Do you have old clothes? Do you have a bunch of friends who covet your clothes? Want to get rid of stuff? I have a solution. Get all of your pals together (same sex works best, although most of the men I know probably wouldn't want to do this), bring your old clothes that you don't wear, and trade! (Adding alcohol usually helps.) You get some new duds and anything left at the end of the night gets donated to charity. Everyone wins. Tonight I got 3 pairs of pants, 2 dresses, and a rug. (Furnishings are optional, but last time someone took home an ice cube tray.)

That's about all. Pass it on to the girls you know.

This has been a public service annoucement brought to you by me.

So, I had this coworker in Ohio...

2005-09-10T17:08:00.000-04:00

And we used to talk about how we could get away with saying mean things to a person by prefacing and ending the statement with "I'm just saying." We never really meant the things that we said, such as "I'm just saying, Brad, you're fucking ugly. I'm just saying!" or "You know, Lindsey, you're a moron. I'm just saying." (I think we joked that people in New York would do that, so why couldn't we. I know it's not true but that's not the point of the post.)

There are some days I wish that this practice could actually work in the real world.

But, alas, it doesn't.

Or maybe, there could be a "no retribution" day where you could tell everyone what you thought about them and there could be no retribution. At all. Maybe they wouldn't remember it the next day but they would stop doing whatever damn fool thing they had been doing that would require such a day. But people (myself included) are too sensitive to take criticism. Especially when given point blank like "Hey, so-and-so, stop being such a jackass because you think you're better than everyone on the planet."

PS Faithful readers. None of my animosity towards mankind is directed at anyone who (I know) reads my word vomit. I heart all of you.

I'm just saying.

Post MORE!!!!

2005-09-08T14:01:00.000-04:00

I got a comment from a friend and fabulous person who says that I should post more because she needs stuff to read when she's having a lazy day. OK, I can get behind that. Unfortunately, I am bored. I'm at work where I will be all day--no, really. All day. 10-10. In the same chair. Doing the same thing. All day. Don't get me wrong, I like what I'm doing. I don't think I could do it for my whole life. Wait. Let me back up.

I am a PA with The Shakespeare Theatre--No, the Shakespeare Theatre Company, complete with new logo and all. My show, The Comedy of Errors, starring the beautiful and wonderful Fly Boy, Daniel Breaker, doesn't actually start until September 27th. It's currently the 9th. Putting two and two together, I realized that I would have no income coming to me until the 27th (or, more accurately, about 2 weeks later.) So I got a part time job. Two of them in fact. I House Manage for TST (or tSTC, as it were) and I sell tickets and such for The Woolly Mammoth Theatre (currently, that's their name. I don't think they're changing it any time soon.)

I like selling tickets. I like making money. But it does get monotonis (monotonus? doing the same thing over and over.) I do get to check my e mail and write adorable word vomit on my blog, but I sit and answer the phones. But I need more. I need The Comedy of Errors. Now!!! I need the actors running around losing things and sending me to find them. I need the heavy scenery built and transported by 4 large men that must be carried onstage by me and me alone. I need the massive blood loss from the paper cuts that I get whilst copying copious amounts of paper that will be recycled next week for the new copious amounts of paper that I will copy then. I need the rush and excitement. I need to have more problems thrown at me with only a second to make it right. That's what I live for.

However.

I've decided that I love what I do. I love stage managing. But after a lengthy discussion with a co-hort, I came to the conclusion that no one retires from stage managing. It just doesn't happen. I think our bodies and brains would give out way before then. So what should I do? I think, do this now, and make arrangements for other stuff later. I'm not that old. I could feasibly do this for a few more years, if, god willing, I eventually get health insurance. But what about later. When I throw my back out from that piece of scenery that "wasn't that heavy?" What about if I get a dog? That dog won't know who I am!! I work a lot, you know.

But I love it. So, I guess what I'm saying is, we'll see what happens.

That was disjointed.

Right now, I want to share this with you.

And Scott is a family friend. That's why I shake my head.

But seriously, what is with Joss Stone???

I honestly have nothing to post so I'll ask...

2005-09-06T11:08:00.000-04:00

Why is Joss Stone on every tribute album? Not just "soul" singers like herself, but rock stars too?

I just don't get it.

Weird

2005-09-02T00:44:00.000-04:00

So I'm at work, running around the lobby (as I am want to do.) I hear a voice behind me saying my full name. I turn around and am confused as I didn't recognize the voice, nor do I recognize anyone in the lobby. A young man at the concession stand says his gull name and I realize that it's a guy that I went to high school with 8 years ago back in NW Ohio! He's in DC at Georgetown University studying law! Very crazy small world that we live in. (Side note, I never would've recognized this guy. At all. Ever. I think that the only reason he remembered me is that he dated my high school best friend all those years ago.)

So remember friends. It's a small world afterall.

Times they are a-changin

2005-09-01T11:05:00.000-04:00

I finally have INTERNET in my APARTMENT!! And it's about friggin time.

Soon, I will have a COUCH in my APARTMENT!! No more fighting over the one comfy chair in the place. That'll be nice.

I feel so grown up.

On the other hand, gotta get back into the swing of things here. And things, they are a-changin.

Songs I'm-a diggin

2005-08-24T13:47:00.000-04:00

I got tagged by The Tower to list some songs that I've been diggin lately. Here goes:

Feel Good Inc- Gorillaz, Demon Days

B.Y.O.B.- System Of A Down, Mezmerize

Personal Jesus- Depeche Mode, Personal Jesus

Where Do We Go From Here?- The Cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Once More With Feeling

Anything from this album although it is waaaay overplayed everywhere I go- Green Day, American Idiot

Tag! You're it: Jeff, Adam, and Lisa.

How old am I?

2005-08-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

I discovered something very interesting about myself today. For the first 5 years of my life, I didn't exist.

Yep, that's right. I didn't exist.

At least, not according to the government.

While signing me up for preschool, my mother went to the health department to get my and my sister's birth certificates. The woman behind the counter said "Well, we have a Stephanie but no Lindsey on record." (This was in 1984--oooh, weird.) Turns out, the doctor that delivered me never signed my birth certificate. So on it, it has my correct birthdate yet it says it was filed on March 13, 1984.

So, for five years, I didn't exist.

Kinda makes you think.

Name stats

2005-08-11T21:44:00.000-04:00

Now, on this website, you can put in your first, last, middle, whatever name and it will tell you the stats of how many people have your name. I just entered my first name, "Lindsey," and I was actually interested in the results.

Lindsey is the #834 most common male name.
0.007% of men in the US are named Lindsey.
Around 8575 US men are named Lindsey!
source namestatistics.com

Lindsey is the #301 most common female name.
0.06% of females in the US are named Lindsey.
Around 76500 US females are named Lindsey!
source namestatistics.com

Lindsey is the #411 most common last name.
0.027% of last names in the US are Lindsey.
Around 67500 US last names are Lindsey!
source namestatistics.com

On the other hand, why aren't you watching Scrubs?

Why I'm a vegetarian

2005-07-28T00:58:00.000-04:00

It's really not the reason, but I thought the image was funny.

Burning need...

2005-07-23T01:15:00.000-04:00

Need. Book. Seven. Now.
Still. Reeling. From. Book. Six.

It's like heroin.

None of these pictures are the aforementioned "favorite picture," but they're pretty damn cool if I do say so myself...and I do.

2005-07-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

But first, a tasteful glimpse of me backside for the ladies. (Name the quote and you win...something...)

...and a shot from the front...

...and because we weren't dancing all night in those damn heels...

...and one of my favorite shots of the night...

...another...

...more later...

This is hard. Let's go to Scuzzi.

2005-07-17T02:04:00.000-04:00

Today sucked.