Dear Short Brunette at My Gym,

6:15pm is a very busy time at the Capitol Hill WSC and probably at sports clubs all over the country. People have just left their workplace where they have been for the last 8 or 9 hours. Most people, like myself and my coworker, come directly from our jobs and thus need to change our clothes in the locker room. Our locker room at the WSC isn't the largest place so as you can imagine, it gets crowded pretty quickly! We all want to be able to enjoy the elipticals or get our butts kicked by our trainers and we're all in a bit of a hurry to get out onto the floor before the last treadmill is taken by the woman who talks on her cell phone the whole time she's "running." Many of the women in the locker room at 6:15pm are of the lucky group that goes to work earlier and thus, leaves work earlier giving them time to get to the gym, have a good sweat, and head back to the locker room for a shower as the 6:15pm rush arrives. Seeing that you were coming from the showers to the locker area means that you are in the latter group! Good for you! I hope you had a great workout! You must have a really important job that requires you to be in early, I don't begrudge you that! You must also have a thrilling social calendar that makes you rush so after your workout, again good job! Way to go! Way to be a positive member of the economy! I only wish that your fancy dinner party or night at the club could be delayed just the few seconds it would take you to move away from the locker area before spraying some shine enducing or frizz ending serum into your hair and thus into the eyes of the poor girl trying to stuff her meager belongings into her broken locker. We could have had a beautiful friendship if only you had noticed that I had exclaimed "what the..." and "oh my god" as the serum began to burn my retina. Alas, this was not the case. Once, twice, three times possibly four your serum made it into my occular cavity and only after my friend said "Are you okay?" did you notice that you had, in fact, sprayed your serum into the eyes of the person standing less than 20 inches from you. Then with a giggle, you said "Oh, did I spray you?" as if to ask "Oh, are you someone who breathes daily?" Why yes, Virginia! There are a few more humans in the world save yourself! An amazing discovery! And we, the sad other few with whom you are forced to cohabitate on the planet, we like our eyes. We like vision and seeing and experiencing light and shadow! We like this almost as much as you like your hair and for this reason I say "Please," Short Brunette "please. Please take a look behind you as you spray your serums into the air. Please take a look to your left and your right as you walk down the street is only to recognize that the other blobs of your size and shape are other people. People who would grant you only the same courtesy that you grant them. Please."

Sincerely,
Lindsey

P.S. My eye itches.