Monday, Monday

Caller: I need to speak with someone about ushering.
Me: That would be Natasha.
Caller: Lynn?
Me: (beat) Natasha.
Caller: Oh. Natasha. Can I speak with her?
Me: Sure.

WWFSMD?

My coworker just informed me of this new religious phenomenon that is sweeping the nation...at least the left side of it.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

This pic is buried, so I thought I'd make it easier on yas.

Makes sense to me.

6 Impossible Things Before...Lunch

I've only been at work for 30 minutes and I'm already antsy. No show this week means no calls. No, that's not entirely true. I got one call. I transfered it to someone else's mailbox.

So, I'll post this:

SIX THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Not a dresser, I'll tell ya that much!
2. Clothes on the floor (no dresser)
3. AJ's broken teley that only works by remote control.
4. Lots of magazines
5. 3 Laundry baskets that want to be dressers
6. A stuffed penguin that my grandmother made for me.

TOP SIX THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1. Where's Don?
2. Comedy Gold
3. Where's Waldo?
4. shut up
5. fuck
6. "You have reached the rehearsal schedule for The Comedy of Errors..."

SIX THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. My iPod
2. My keys
3. Your soul
4. My watch
5. Water
6. My remote control

SIX THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get health insurance
2. Live not in the U.S.
3. Act in a Joss Whedon show
4. Watch all the Oscar winners for Best Picture/AFI 100 greatest movies
5. Not have to worry about money
6. Fly a plane

SIX OTHER THINGS:

Do You/have you:
1. Believe in God? As a character.
2. Had a dream come true? Do nightmares count?
3. Read the newspaper? Unfortunately not.
4. Pray? Not so much
5. Have a job? I do! I have 3 actually!
6. Attend church? Nope. Don't believe in church. They're pretty and all...

Have you ever:
1. Gone skinny dipping? yep
2. Had surgery? yep
3. Swam in the dark? do you think I skinny dipped during the day??
4. Been to a Bonfire? yes
5. Ran away from home? nope
6. Played strip poker? yes

SIX THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:
Have you...
1. Cried? Yes. One tear at the end of the book I was reading.
2. Sang? The theme from Firefly at the end of Serenity
3. Been kissed? yep
4. Felt stupid? Only all the freaking time!
5. Talked to an ex? nope
6. Missed someone? hells yeah!


Expect a few more posts today as I have 7.5 hours to go!!!

I thought her dad was pissed!!

From imdb.com

Cruise Eyeing Ohio Home?
Tom Cruise is reportedly planning to buy a $1.5 million home in his fiancee Katie Holmes' hometown of Toledo, Ohio. The Hollywood couple recently announced they're expecting their first child together, and while sources speculate over when they will wed, Toledo locals are preparing for celebrity neighbors. Dale Bruhl, who owns the nine-bedroom mansion which reportedly caught their attention, says, "The neighbors saw limousines in front of the house when (real estate agents) were showing it. I'm sure it's them. Her mother lives in the area." Cruise's representative has hit out at the reports, stating, "Everyone wants Tom to buy a house in their neighborhood, bit it's not true." But residents of Toledo are still holding out hope - a store window in the centre of town already reads, "We gift-wrap baby gifts for Tom and Katie's baby!"

Need a little help here...

With Halloween just around the corner, I need some assistance.

I don't know what the hell to wear as a costume.

Please advise.

1 Hour and 36 minutes to go

...until I can go home.

Slow, slow, slow. Can't play on myspace anymore. Going crazy.

Guess it's time for sudoku.

Larry King is an Ass

No, seriously. He's an ass and a terrible interviewer. How has he held this position for so long?? He doesn't listen to his guests and proves nightly that he doesn't know anything about the people who come on his show. Case in point: Last night he had the primary cast of the show "Roseanne." The first question he asks is : "How did this show come about?" Ummm...let's see. "Roseanne"...created by a woman named Roseanne. Second question: "Why did you decide to make it a Blue Collar show?" Ummm...that's who she is? And she tried to tell him that it was based on her stand up. Then he asked "Was it based on your stand up?" I've seen him do other interview as well where he just doesn't listen to the guests at all. Every time I see one of his interviews I think to myself "Wow. He's just not listening at all!!" It makes me mad since much of the Western World thinks he just the bees knees and want to have him interview them. Why?!? Leno isn't much better. I like Dave though. But not for his interview style, but for his show in general.

I hearby declare that all interviews must now be conducted by Jon Stewart.

In Ohio...

Home Sweet Home.

The man in the photograph is my Great Uncle Lou.

It's not that I'm dumb...

I'm just absent minded.

Warning. I'm pissed.

So here's the deal. I'm not going to the movies when "normal" people are able to go. I use the term "normal" in the loosest sense of the word. I mean, is it normal to take a fucking 4 year to a movie like David Cronenberg's A History of Violence? A movie where in the first half hour you see 4 dead bodies? (And I mean see them.) Is it normal during a movie that you don't understand to talk loudly on your cell and giggle at moments that are heartwrenching and horrible? Is murder funny? Did I miss something? What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't get it, therefore it's funny? (And this can explain many, many, many things that are wrong with the human race at large. But enough about that, I'm talking about something much pettier.)

Therefore, gentle readers, I will not, under very few circumstances, go to see a movie during "movie times." Meaning, no more Friday nights. No more Saturday nights. And for all that is holy and true, no more Sunday matinees. Unless it is something immensley obscure, I shall stick to this. Or unless it's something that has been out for many, many weeks and should theoretically be nearly empty. So I guess screw "normal." Just when actual "people" are invovled. Kids movies, I'll make an exception, just because I don't mind when kids laugh and giggle about movies....except that one time at Howl's Moving Castle. That wasn't fun (but it probably falls into the "I don't get it" category.)

Do I sound elitist? Yes. Do I care? No, and I'll tell you why. 9 times out of 10 since I moved into a large city I have felt like this after a movie. Not that I'm saying that people in Toledo, OH don't do this, but, in general, they're slightly more polite about it. Sometimes. I've definitely felt like this after big movies I've seen in Ohio. Maybe that's what it is. It's the big movies. But, A History of Violence?? Not big!! Unless you know who Cronenberg is!! I'll bet that 80% of the people in that theatre had no idea what a "Cronenberg" film even is!!!! You know who definitely doesn't know? The fucking FOUR-YEAR OLD! I'm not kidding, my friends. A four-year old. In a movie that has "graphic sex, nudity, and extreme violence." I even went up to a manager after the film and asked "Is it policy to let a four-year old into a film like A History of Violence?" (Of course, I know the answer to this having worked in a movie theatre for 5.5 years.) She answered me very professionally with probably the smartest thing that I've heard in months: "You don't have to have a license to be a parent." How perceptive and sad.

Now, do I have an illusions that what I've written will mean anything to anyone? Of course not. I just needed to vent.




As for A History of Violence, it was a very good film, all things considered.

Here's what I've been thinking.

Every day, sometimes numerous times a day, I think to myself "Wow. I gotta blog about that." But then I forget after a long day of work.

Here are some that I can remember now:

1. That's it. I'm done. Who wants to join the circus?

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are spawning? Does anyone else see a problem with that....although it probably means that Mr. Cruise will be visiting the NW Ohio region at some point soon.

3. I cut 7 inches off of my hair. My camera is dead or I'd post a pic. 7 inches and it's still below my shoulders. I realized that I had really long hair just to have really long hair. I never wore it down. It made fabulous pigtails, though. And I don't miss it. The layers (yep, got those too) occasionally get in my eyes and tickle my nose but I think it's okay. Now I just need to dye it a fun color. (Hint, hint Miss Automation and Miss Garrett...who I don't think reads this but I'm hinting to her anyway.) I think Steph was sad, but...

4. I almost got hit by a flying pigeon today.

5. I don't call people enough. I know this, but as I discussed with one of you faithful readers, I feel like I just don't have anything to talk about. At least not anything that people not directly involved with STC would find remotely interesting. (Such as: David Sabin talking about "nooners." Who gets that?)

6. I think I want to go into film.

7. There are really truly horrible people in the world. Unfortunately, I dated a few. I always wonder what happened to those people. The truly horrible ones. I sometimes wish I could tell them how horrible they are.

8. There are really truly stupid people in the world. Nuff said.

9. I find it weird that when I'm recording the daily call at work I can completely zone out and think about how I'm not actually thinking about what I'm recording yet I'm still recording it.

10. Ten things is probably enough.

11. No. I lied. I miss my friends. The ones in Ohio. The ones in Philly. The ones here. The ones who don't live in any of the aformentioned places.

12. 11 things is enough.

This is all I'm going to say about this.

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I hate these things

1. initials: LAR
2. name someone with the same birthday as you: Gregory Peck, Jenni Garth
3. where was your first kiss?: Outside my garage.
4. for or against same sex marriages?: Completely for them. Fuck the right.
5. are you homophobic?: nope
6. are you bisexual?: Never had an opportunity.
7. do you believe in God?: As a character. Not as an all-seeing entity.
8. how many US states have you been to?: Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Virginia, Maryland, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Kentucky, Tennesse, Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Pennsylvania, New York. How many is that?
9. how many of the US states have you lived in?: 4-Ohio, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Maryland and one District (of Columbia.)
10. have you ever lived outside the US?: Not as of yet.
11. name something you like physically about yourself: My arms
12. name something non physical you like about yourself: My ability to on occasion be funny.
13. where did you go to college?: BGSU
14. what is your dream car?: Dark green Jaguar
15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: Italy
16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?: Ummm...yes. What a dumb question.
17. how many concerts have you gone to?: Lilith Fair, Ben Folds/Tori Amos, Genesis (don't laugh, it was a birthday present--when I was 14. I loved them!!!), Bachman Turner Overdrive (it was at the county fair and it was free.) How many is that?
18. do you download music?: Only on iTunes
19. how many illegal things have you done?: 2
20. where would you want to go on a first date?: Dinner.
21. describe your perfect date: Dinner and a movie.
23. ever been kissed under fireworks?: Yes, but it wasn't horribly romantic as we were drunk.
24. do you like president bush?: Hell no.
25. have you ever bungee jumped?: No, but I think I would like too.
26. have you ever white- water rafted?: Yes. It is awesome.
27. have you ever crashed a car?: A punk kid crashed into me.
28. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you?: Yes. It was not fun.
29. have you met a real redneck?: Hello! I'm from Ohio!
30. are you interested in anyone right now?: Just that guy I married.
31. what song are you listening to right now?: A Bjork song...but it's in my head
32. what is your current favorite song?: Don't really have one.
33. what was the last movie you watched?: MirrorMask (All you Gaiman/McKean fans better get out to see it!)
34. who was the last person you said you loved?: AJ
35. where was the last place you went besides your house?: The library
36. have you ever seriously vandalized someone elses property?: not seriously.
37. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?: Yes. Many times, actually. I went through a "slapping" phaze in junior high and I've been in a fist fight.
38. have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?: Musical theatre final.
39. whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Honestly, whether or not they are doing something "asshole-ish."
40. what really turns you on?: Ecstacy. No, just kidding.
41. what do you usually order from starbucks?: A 5-shot, sugar-free vanilla, soy latte with 6 splenda...for my boss. I hate starbucks.
42. what is your biggest mistake?: Yeah...that.
43. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?: yes
44. say something totally random about you: I wish I were a goth or a punk sometimes.
45. do you have an i-pod?: yes.
46. has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?: Natasha McElhone (which I don't see at all) and Sarah Polley (which I don't see at all.)
47. do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?: Fairly Odd Parents is a freaking hilarious show. As well as Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends.
48. do you have braces?: no, but I need them
49. are you comfortable with your height?: Yes.
51. when do you know its love?: My mom always said it's when you can fart in front of the other person.
52. do you speak any other languages besides English?: After 5 semesters of French and 2 of Spanish I can say "The long snake tastes good to me" in German.
53. have you ever been to a tanning salon?: No. Ew.
54. what magazines do you read?: Premiere, Time, Bust, Entertainment Weekly.
55 Are these surveys stupid?: Incredibly.
56. do you have a hidden talent?: Now, it I wrote it down it wouldn't be hidden now would it?
57. have you gone farther than kissing?: Only a little.
58. have you ever ridden in a limo?: not even on my wedding day.
59. has anyone you were really close with passed away?: Yes.
60. do you watch mtv?: I try not to.
61. whats something that really annoys you?: Stupidity. And people who don't use an apostophe when it is called for, like in this stupid survey.
62. whats something you really like?: Chocolate chip cookies.
63. do you like michael Jackson?: Not as an alien, but I hear his old music and realize that he was ahead of his time.
64. can you dance?: 80's and goth styles.
65. have you ever surfed?: No, but my brother in law does.
66. do you know how to pump gas?: Again I say, what a stupid question.
67. do you drive?: Not if I can help it.
68. whats the latest you have ever stayed up?: 48 hours.
69. have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?: I was nervous when I had surgery. There is always that chance that you won't wake up.
70. were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?: Yes, but it was for a training exercise.
71. have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?: Kiss a boy?
72. did you do it?: Probably not.
71. do you actually read these when other people fill them out?: Only if I'm really tired and I'm waiting for my food to get done.

going...crazy

I'm slowly going insane today...or rather, being slowly driven insane by the construction crews working in the building. It's quiet for about 5 minutes then "BANG!!" Loud hammering-type noises errupt around me. On top of that, we're holding auditions downstairs so every few minutes someone walks through the door, ignoring the sign that says "go downstairs" and asks me "where do I go?"

But enough venting.

I have a funny story to tell.

Last night, I had to help usher at Woolly Mammoth (the theatre matters, read on) since only one of our ushers showed up on time. My co-worker, Elissa, was tearing tickets and generall pointing people in the direction of the theatre. I looked up just in time to see an elderly (not creepy) man walk up to her and say "If you take my shirt off, I'm woolly. But I'm not mammoth." He then walked up to me and after me saying "Can I help you?" he responded with "God helps those who help themselves" then he leaned in and cupped his hand around his mouth and continued "but God help those who help themselves."

Back to my outlaw Sudoku puzzle.

Sudoku

I am the Sudoku MASTER!!! Easy puzzle in 3:33 minutes.

Check it out here

Dear Blogger

Dear Blogger,
What the hell?
Signed,
Lindsey